What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger

The people I'm friends with here in NY have such good hearts. If they were to have lived in Utah, I'm not sure I would have given them a chance. Moving here has really made me take a look at myself and see who I really am and want to be. I am so blessed to have this experience to figure that out. Moving here I thought I'd be looked down on for my beliefs, but in reality, people actually support me immensely. I've become close enough friends with some of these people that they know some of my biggest insecurities. I'm still learning and discovering that standing out because of what I believe is not a bad thing. Sometimes I feel insecure about being Mormon because of all the attention I get. For instance, right now in my acting class someone is doing a scene from Angels in America, a play where the main characters are LDS. After a few minutes of the scene he started asking the people what research they had done on Mormons and within a few minutes everyone was informing the teacher that I was Mormon. All the attention was put on me. I felt a little awkward, but I just brushed it off. It''s kind of nice that it's out in the open now in that class. It is such a struggle to not hide my light under a bushel everyday. I'm not ashamed of what I believe, I just feel like I'm being judged all the time. People in my group have told me before that when they found out I was Mormon they wondered how I was going to make it in this "worldly business," and as much as we're friends now, I think they still wonder. I know I'm always being watched, that's for sure. Anytime a teacher asks me about relationships I've had, assuming I've had serious relationships, I can see peoples eyes shift to me wondering what I'm going to say. In a sense, a lot of the time I have to teach myself, because I don't want my teachers knowing all about my personal life.

Last week I was so overwhelmed. It wasn't the workload I was stressed over, it was what/ how I was going to deal with the questionable scenes I might, at one point, be asked to participate in. What am I willing to do on stage? As simple as it may seem, it's actually a very hard question that I've decided to deal with as the situations come. My mom keeps telling me, "You can't borrow trouble" so I guess I'll listen to her advice, for now, since mother knows best. 

Can I just say I LOVE NEW YORK! In all honesty, I can't believe I'm here, and to think that some people have never been here just baffles me. Get here people! I know you'll love it, and you most definitely will not be bored. 

Dynamic Duo

Living in NY in a dorm and being a student is not the easiest combination when I comes to making friends outside of school. 3 1/2 weeks ago Rachel moved to NYC as, what I believe to be, an answer to my prayers. I met her at FHE on Sunday the 29th of February before anyone could grab her and decided that she had to be my friend. (I mean, I wasn't that forceful, but whatever I did to convince her, it worked) She moved to NY to nanny 3 kids, but later found out the grandma hired her to watch more of the children's mother. I was finishing up finals that next week and this had a 3 week trial period so we decided to do lots of site singing. Between 9 and 4 when the kids were in school and after they were in bed at 8, Rachel and I were inseparable. Here is a list of everything Rachel and I did in about a 3 week period in no particular order. A story goes along with each one, so if you're interested in hearing about the event/day, leave a comment for me and I'll be sure to elaborate win a new post:)

1. Statue of Liberty & Ellis Island, ate rolo pretzel thingies
2. picnic on the staten island ferry
3. highline park
4. brooklyn bridge
5. central park 
6. ground zero memorial
7. Joanna (The psycho mama)
8. YSA Singles Conference Dance
9. Valentine's Day Party
10. cleaned the church twice
11. went to Bloomingdales
12. Brunch Crawl with our ward
13. Tried to win the lottery for tickets to Wicked ( I guess now I can say I have played in the lottery
14. we were given handfuls of candy at Hershey's Store in Times Square, for free
15. went into applebees and realized it was 18-20 for a regular burger, so we just ordered chips and fries
16. shake shack
17. subway- bought a footlong every time (I'm pretty sure we went here at least 5 times)
18. olive garden- unlimited soup, salad and breadsticks (When you're a poor college student to fill every limb of your body until you feel like you won't be able to eat for days)
19. Literally ran from the subway to the magnolia bakery back to the subway while eating peanut butter pie so Rachel wouldn't be late for work (delicious and completely worth it)
20. helped plan and set up a linger longer and everyone loved what we made
21. watched super bowl in NY & won the super bowl
22. dinner at rebecca's where she cooked in a crockpot for the first time ever
23. made chocolate chip pancakes and mud die buddies ( a really healthy breakfast if you ask me:)
24. watched The Vow on Valentines Day
25. watched The Next 3 Days on Netflix while eating cookies and apple
26. found out rachel was neighbors with one of my best friend in logan up until she was 8
27. rachel got kissed within 48 hours of landing in NY
28. Busted up at people rapping on the subway
29. Rachel took the subway to 42nd street thinking that where the church was... 42nd st is times square, nice try Rachel
30. rachel almost got mugged in Times Square
31. Rachel was saved by a guy on the subway who made sure a guy didn't follow her home
32. talked to NYC cops on horses who had real accents
33. Was thoroughly entertained by a man that calls himself the naked cowboy, in Times Square
34. Rachel was fired by the psycho mama and rehired by the psycho mom's moms within 20min... needless to say she decided the job wasn't for her
35. watched the sun set sitting by the hudson river
36. Went to South seaport
37. Just happened to fall upon the NY government buildings
38. saw China Town and Little Italy
39. saw a drive thru McDonalds
40. said we were both going to ask someone out, but never did- FAIL
41. went to church ever Sunday to a ward where no one took us seriously
42. rachel was homeless and living out of her suitcase for 3 days
43. Time Warner at Columbus Circle
44. Pizza & chips and salsa

I'm aware that this is a very long list and now that I look at it I realize why it is that I gained inches over my break:/ oops! This last week Rachel moved back to Utah:( I cried. I just don't know why she was here for such a short amount of time, but I know we're going to remain friends for a very long time. I just love her. We just clicked so fast! GOd wanted us to meet though, we know that. She lived in Logan until she was 8 and then moved to Kaysville. 3 years ago I moved to Logan and then a little over a year ago she moved to Logan for school at USU. Somehow we kept missing each other there so He brought us both to the other side of the country to meet. I love her and can't wait to see her this summer when she comes back to NY to visit hopefully. Let me know if you have any questions.

The Day of Love

Spring is in the air and everyone's twitterpated! I honestly don't know how people my age are getting married. Every night I get on Facebook, it never fails to show that there has been a relationship status change of one of my friends to "engaged to..." I just want to take a moment to say that President Monson is not talking to 18 & 19 year olds in Utah when he says that people need to be getting married... dating yes, but marriage! Although I'm not welcoming anything for myself right now, actually I'd prefer to stay far from a relationship, I can't help but wonder when it's all going to happen for me. I feel like everyone here is 28+ and not even dating anyone. I scares me that if I stay away from dating and relationships that I'm going to end up 30 or older and still not married. The sad thing is that there is nothing wrong with these people. Their jobs are just really time consuming and important to them. On Valentines Day I went to The Vow with one of my girlfriends and we saw so many guys from our ward/stake in the movie and on the street. I don't think I've ever seen so many mormon guys in one night here in NY. My friend and I couldn't help but giggle when as we were walking to the subway, the majority of the people getting off the subway were men, and it was only 7pm. I think Valentine's Day was made to remind men that there are more things in life than work. This seems like a man hater post, but be assured that was not my intention. Sorry if this didn't flow... I'm super tired tonight and was honestly just trying to get something on my blog since I haven't posted in a coupe weeks. Be on the look out for another post this weekend! I love you all! Happy Valentine's Day!

My Savior

Tonight I am so overwhelmed by my Savior's love for me. If makes me so sad to be surrounded by people who don't even have a slight testimony of him. I am so grateful to have him as my rock. I would be nothing without him. He makes me want to be better. I know that he died for me and he saw my face as he suffered and died. I wish people could see that there's more to life, and I wish they'd see how happy the gospel makes me. I love my Savior! I love him so much that I want everyone to love him just as much, if not more, than I do! This week I have received so many blessings, everywhere from getting 2 jobs through the school to having a girl from school be baptized. I am amazed at how his hand is in every aspect of my life. I hope the video below gives you something to reflect on, I know it did me... I sobbed the whole time. Have a great week! I'll be praying for you:)

Jesus Christ - His Hands

The Importance of Relationships

On Friday afternoon one of my friends brothers took his own life. When I found out the next day, my heart completely sank. How could someone, who gave and loved so much, have this happen to them? I am so thankful that I have an eternal perspective and know to be true that families are forever and that we can all live again. I think it is important that we are kind to our families and all people we come in contact with. Life is too short for spending our time and energy on offensive things that people have said or done to us. I think we need to serve and be charitable to one another so we can have the peace of mind knowing that we did everything we could when we are held accountable for our lives. I wish I had been more charitable towards my siblings growing up and am relieved that it's not to late. The moral of this story: Love the one you're with!

Follower Participation Needed!

Yesterday I walked into my room and thought to myself, "this has got to be the most boring room I've ever seen!" I decided that I want to cover my walls with goals and quotes and pictures that make me want to be better. So, here's what I've come up with so far, but it needs a lot, and I mean A LOT more work! I was wondering if anyone had some really good quotes or pictures or anything that either they could email me or send in the mail to help add some flare to my room, so I don't feel like I'm locking myself into a white walled prison cell every night. Hopefully this isn't too much to ask. I pretty much will hang up anything. cards, church handouts, pictures of friends and family, ANYTHING! Let me know if you are willing and able:)

Have a Positive Attitude

We can’t direct the wind, but we can adjust the sails. For maximum happiness, peace, and contentment, may we choose a positive attitude. 

Believe in Yourself

You can achieve what you believe you can. Trust and believe and have faith.

 Face Challenges w/Courage

Have the determination to make the effort, the single-mindedness to work toward a worthy goal, and the courage not only to face the challenges that inevitably come but also to make a second effort, should such be required. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, "I'll try again tomorrow."

Instantly

recognize Christ  

Read & Study Scriptures

Pray more sincerely