The people I'm friends with here in NY have such good hearts. If they were to have lived in Utah, I'm not sure I would have given them a chance. Moving here has really made me take a look at myself and see who I really am and want to be. I am so blessed to have this experience to figure that out. Moving here I thought I'd be looked down on for my beliefs, but in reality, people actually support me immensely. I've become close enough friends with some of these people that they know some of my biggest insecurities. I'm still learning and discovering that standing out because of what I believe is not a bad thing. Sometimes I feel insecure about being Mormon because of all the attention I get. For instance, right now in my acting class someone is doing a scene from Angels in America, a play where the main characters are LDS. After a few minutes of the scene he started asking the people what research they had done on Mormons and within a few minutes everyone was informing the teacher that I was Mormon. All the attention was put on me. I felt a little awkward, but I just brushed it off. It''s kind of nice that it's out in the open now in that class. It is such a struggle to not hide my light under a bushel everyday. I'm not ashamed of what I believe, I just feel like I'm being judged all the time. People in my group have told me before that when they found out I was Mormon they wondered how I was going to make it in this "worldly business," and as much as we're friends now, I think they still wonder. I know I'm always being watched, that's for sure. Anytime a teacher asks me about relationships I've had, assuming I've had serious relationships, I can see peoples eyes shift to me wondering what I'm going to say. In a sense, a lot of the time I have to teach myself, because I don't want my teachers knowing all about my personal life.
Last week I was so overwhelmed. It wasn't the workload I was stressed over, it was what/ how I was going to deal with the questionable scenes I might, at one point, be asked to participate in. What am I willing to do on stage? As simple as it may seem, it's actually a very hard question that I've decided to deal with as the situations come. My mom keeps telling me, "You can't borrow trouble" so I guess I'll listen to her advice, for now, since mother knows best.
Can I just say I LOVE NEW YORK! In all honesty, I can't believe I'm here, and to think that some people have never been here just baffles me. Get here people! I know you'll love it, and you most definitely will not be bored.
